Nembutal is a class C controlled barbiturate.
A SOUTH Island man dying of cancer plans to end his life in the coming months using the controversial euthanasia drug Nembutal.
He is one of hundreds who have gathered over the past two weeks for Australian euthanasia advocate Dr Philip Nitschke's workshops in Auckland, Christchurch, Nelson and Dunedin.
"John" is anonymously sharing his story with the Sunday Star-Times to boost understanding and prompt debate about the controversial right-to-die issue.
"Dying slowly is a terrible situation, where you are trapped in a body and there's no hope. It's just agony," the retired businessman says.
Nembutal is illegal in New Zealand except when used by vets to euthanase animals. Nitschke, head of euthanasia pressure group Exit International, promotes it as the euthanasia panacea, and more than 15 New Zealanders have travelled to Mexico to buy it legally and smuggle the drug home. Nitschke says many New Zealanders have also bought Nembutal over the internet.
The drug has been implicated in at least one death here that of a Wellington woman who was not terminally ill but killed herself in 2006 after buying it in Mexico a year earlier.
John says that a while back a bottle of Nembutal was left in his letterbox he believes it was "an act of kindness" from someone in the pro-euthanasia movement.
John, a long-time Exit International member in his mid-60s, plans to use his bottle to end his life in the near future. It's not a choice he's pleased to make.
As a youngster, he suffered life-threatening injuries in an accident and has had two previous bouts of cancer, but he has always fought hard for life because of hopes for recovery.
"I've experienced a lot of suffering and a lot of struggling to survive. I well understand the trauma of pain. I've been there before to the edge. It's a very, very lonely place but I've always opted for life. People have said to me, `When you were so sick, why didn't you opt to die?"'
This time is different. Doctors told him recently his cancer has spread to his lungs and he has about six months to live.
"I don't hold any false hope of recovery. It's pretty much over now. I'm overrun with the cancer."
Now, John's focus is on mitigating the suffering of himself and his wife. "My wife and I are so close. We're totally in love and have been together more than 30 years. That alone makes this hard. But neither one of us wants for the other to go through protracted suffering." He hates the thought of taking his own life without his wife present, but fears she will face charges for assisting his suicide if discovered.
"Why should she be prosecuted? It's preposterous."
So he plans to protect his wife by penning a suicide note to ensure people know he, and he alone, ended his life. Possible public vilification has also meant the couple haven't told family or friends of John's intentions.
Talking to friends about their euthanasia views over the years has also proved challenging, he says. "Anything that is said is an attack on religion you're dead meat." And he is nervous his plan will be discovered and thwarted.
"It's horrible enough to face the end of life without some Christian Right group or someone who'll come along and take that away."
He wants to stress being pro-euthanasia doesn't mean he opposes hospices, which give in-patient and out-patient support and pain relief to terminal patients.
"We make contributions to hospice and we support it it's very helpful. But there are still the issues of control. Who makes the decision about the right time?"
Euthanasia is not about the fear of pain, John says.
"Pain is one of the things that can be reasonably well-controlled. It's the nausea, the breathlessness, the overwhelming emotion of not being in control. It's about quality of life."
He and his wife consider Nitschke a compassionate man, who gives those in need advice on how to end their lives peacefully.
John is eager to buy a drug test kit promoted by Nitschke to test if a supply of Nembutal is genuine.
So far, his symptoms are bearable: a hacking cough, appetite loss and falling weight. While his health is deteriorating, he admits it is a delicate balance of when to take action. He fears he will become so unwell it will be impossible to swallow his Nembutal, but he also doesn't want to take it too soon and miss out on some precious life.
Either way, knowing he has the ability to end his life when he chooses gives him huge comfort, he says.
"The thought of being stuck in a hospital with someone changing my diapers is completely against my beliefs. To accept your own death is hard enough but to be trapped in a situation you can't get out of is worse." [rc]
August 2, 2009
NEW ZEALAND: I want to choose end says cancer sufferer
.
AUCKLAND / Sunday Star-Times / August 2, 2009
By Deidre Mussen - Sunday Star Times
Nembutal is a class C controlled barbiturate.
A SOUTH Island man dying of cancer plans to end his life in the coming months using the controversial euthanasia drug Nembutal.
He is one of hundreds who have gathered over the past two weeks for Australian euthanasia advocate Dr Philip Nitschke's workshops in Auckland, Christchurch, Nelson and Dunedin.
"John" is anonymously sharing his story with the Sunday Star-Times to boost understanding and prompt debate about the controversial right-to-die issue.
"Dying slowly is a terrible situation, where you are trapped in a body and there's no hope. It's just agony," the retired businessman says.
Nembutal is illegal in New Zealand except when used by vets to euthanase animals. Nitschke, head of euthanasia pressure group Exit International, promotes it as the euthanasia panacea, and more than 15 New Zealanders have travelled to Mexico to buy it legally and smuggle the drug home. Nitschke says many New Zealanders have also bought Nembutal over the internet.
The drug has been implicated in at least one death here that of a Wellington woman who was not terminally ill but killed herself in 2006 after buying it in Mexico a year earlier.
John says that a while back a bottle of Nembutal was left in his letterbox he believes it was "an act of kindness" from someone in the pro-euthanasia movement.
John, a long-time Exit International member in his mid-60s, plans to use his bottle to end his life in the near future. It's not a choice he's pleased to make.
As a youngster, he suffered life-threatening injuries in an accident and has had two previous bouts of cancer, but he has always fought hard for life because of hopes for recovery.
"I've experienced a lot of suffering and a lot of struggling to survive. I well understand the trauma of pain. I've been there before to the edge. It's a very, very lonely place but I've always opted for life. People have said to me, `When you were so sick, why didn't you opt to die?"'
This time is different. Doctors told him recently his cancer has spread to his lungs and he has about six months to live.
"I don't hold any false hope of recovery. It's pretty much over now. I'm overrun with the cancer."
Now, John's focus is on mitigating the suffering of himself and his wife. "My wife and I are so close. We're totally in love and have been together more than 30 years. That alone makes this hard. But neither one of us wants for the other to go through protracted suffering." He hates the thought of taking his own life without his wife present, but fears she will face charges for assisting his suicide if discovered.
"Why should she be prosecuted? It's preposterous."
So he plans to protect his wife by penning a suicide note to ensure people know he, and he alone, ended his life. Possible public vilification has also meant the couple haven't told family or friends of John's intentions.
Talking to friends about their euthanasia views over the years has also proved challenging, he says. "Anything that is said is an attack on religion you're dead meat." And he is nervous his plan will be discovered and thwarted.
"It's horrible enough to face the end of life without some Christian Right group or someone who'll come along and take that away."
He wants to stress being pro-euthanasia doesn't mean he opposes hospices, which give in-patient and out-patient support and pain relief to terminal patients.
"We make contributions to hospice and we support it it's very helpful. But there are still the issues of control. Who makes the decision about the right time?"
Euthanasia is not about the fear of pain, John says.
"Pain is one of the things that can be reasonably well-controlled. It's the nausea, the breathlessness, the overwhelming emotion of not being in control. It's about quality of life."
He and his wife consider Nitschke a compassionate man, who gives those in need advice on how to end their lives peacefully.
John is eager to buy a drug test kit promoted by Nitschke to test if a supply of Nembutal is genuine.
So far, his symptoms are bearable: a hacking cough, appetite loss and falling weight. While his health is deteriorating, he admits it is a delicate balance of when to take action. He fears he will become so unwell it will be impossible to swallow his Nembutal, but he also doesn't want to take it too soon and miss out on some precious life.
Either way, knowing he has the ability to end his life when he chooses gives him huge comfort, he says.
"The thought of being stuck in a hospital with someone changing my diapers is completely against my beliefs. To accept your own death is hard enough but to be trapped in a situation you can't get out of is worse." [rc]
Nembutal is a class C controlled barbiturate.
A SOUTH Island man dying of cancer plans to end his life in the coming months using the controversial euthanasia drug Nembutal.
He is one of hundreds who have gathered over the past two weeks for Australian euthanasia advocate Dr Philip Nitschke's workshops in Auckland, Christchurch, Nelson and Dunedin.
"John" is anonymously sharing his story with the Sunday Star-Times to boost understanding and prompt debate about the controversial right-to-die issue.
"Dying slowly is a terrible situation, where you are trapped in a body and there's no hope. It's just agony," the retired businessman says.
Nembutal is illegal in New Zealand except when used by vets to euthanase animals. Nitschke, head of euthanasia pressure group Exit International, promotes it as the euthanasia panacea, and more than 15 New Zealanders have travelled to Mexico to buy it legally and smuggle the drug home. Nitschke says many New Zealanders have also bought Nembutal over the internet.
The drug has been implicated in at least one death here that of a Wellington woman who was not terminally ill but killed herself in 2006 after buying it in Mexico a year earlier.
John says that a while back a bottle of Nembutal was left in his letterbox he believes it was "an act of kindness" from someone in the pro-euthanasia movement.
John, a long-time Exit International member in his mid-60s, plans to use his bottle to end his life in the near future. It's not a choice he's pleased to make.
As a youngster, he suffered life-threatening injuries in an accident and has had two previous bouts of cancer, but he has always fought hard for life because of hopes for recovery.
"I've experienced a lot of suffering and a lot of struggling to survive. I well understand the trauma of pain. I've been there before to the edge. It's a very, very lonely place but I've always opted for life. People have said to me, `When you were so sick, why didn't you opt to die?"'
This time is different. Doctors told him recently his cancer has spread to his lungs and he has about six months to live.
"I don't hold any false hope of recovery. It's pretty much over now. I'm overrun with the cancer."
Now, John's focus is on mitigating the suffering of himself and his wife. "My wife and I are so close. We're totally in love and have been together more than 30 years. That alone makes this hard. But neither one of us wants for the other to go through protracted suffering." He hates the thought of taking his own life without his wife present, but fears she will face charges for assisting his suicide if discovered.
"Why should she be prosecuted? It's preposterous."
So he plans to protect his wife by penning a suicide note to ensure people know he, and he alone, ended his life. Possible public vilification has also meant the couple haven't told family or friends of John's intentions.
Talking to friends about their euthanasia views over the years has also proved challenging, he says. "Anything that is said is an attack on religion you're dead meat." And he is nervous his plan will be discovered and thwarted.
"It's horrible enough to face the end of life without some Christian Right group or someone who'll come along and take that away."
He wants to stress being pro-euthanasia doesn't mean he opposes hospices, which give in-patient and out-patient support and pain relief to terminal patients.
"We make contributions to hospice and we support it it's very helpful. But there are still the issues of control. Who makes the decision about the right time?"
Euthanasia is not about the fear of pain, John says.
"Pain is one of the things that can be reasonably well-controlled. It's the nausea, the breathlessness, the overwhelming emotion of not being in control. It's about quality of life."
He and his wife consider Nitschke a compassionate man, who gives those in need advice on how to end their lives peacefully.
John is eager to buy a drug test kit promoted by Nitschke to test if a supply of Nembutal is genuine.
So far, his symptoms are bearable: a hacking cough, appetite loss and falling weight. While his health is deteriorating, he admits it is a delicate balance of when to take action. He fears he will become so unwell it will be impossible to swallow his Nembutal, but he also doesn't want to take it too soon and miss out on some precious life.
Either way, knowing he has the ability to end his life when he chooses gives him huge comfort, he says.
"The thought of being stuck in a hospital with someone changing my diapers is completely against my beliefs. To accept your own death is hard enough but to be trapped in a situation you can't get out of is worse." [rc]
