USA: Your mom is getting revenge on husband

. TORONTO, Ontario / The Daily News / July 31, 2009 Wife seeks revenge following husband's strokes By Kathy Mitchell & Marcy Sugar, The Daily News Dear Annie: A few years ago, my father had a series of severe strokes at a relatively young age. He is now disabled and occasionally incontinent. At times he is quite lucid, but he needs continuous care. My parents have been married 40 years. Early on, there was physical and verbal abuse. They are extremely well off, and my mother is convinced a nursing home will drain all their assets, so she insists Dad stay home. She has fancy equipment and hired help that she pays under the table. My sister and I live two hours away. Mom goes into rages if we try to help with Dad's care. She also is physically rough with him in front of our husbands and kids. The aides say she hits and kicks him, and tells him she wishes he were dead. They won't call Adult Protective Services because they want to keep their jobs. We have called, and his psychiatrist and primary care doctor also called, but we were told that as long as my father chooses to stay in the home, there is nothing they can do. Mom has broken off contact with my father's family, as well as her own, and there is no one who can influence her. Visiting is difficult because Mom makes it obvious she hates us, and we do not want to expose our children to her horrible behavior. She says she has the right to treat Dad this way because he abused her so many years ago, and his drinking and smoking caused his health problems. Dad says he wants to be at home. Mom refuses our offers of respite care and won't see a counselor for her own mental health. What can we do? -- Scared of Mom Dear Scared: Your mother is getting revenge, and your father, in his more lucid moments, thinks he deserves it. Adult Protective Services should step in, but if they won't, call the National Center on Elder Abuse hot line (www.ncea.aoa.gov) at 1-800-96-ABUSE (1-800-962-2873) and explain the situation. [rc] © Copyright (c) Canwest News Service