USA: Elderly parents can be a boon, not a burden

. LOS ANGELES, California / Los Angeles Times / Health / July 13, 2009 From the Los Angeles Times, July 13, 2009 MY TURN By Monica B. Morris When "Caring for Your Parents" aired on public television, I saw it just before I went to bed -- then lay awake for hours, utterly depressed, wondering just what was the purpose of this production? Aimed primarily at boomers, it told of five families, each coping -- or rather, not coping -- with the care of aging and infirm parents. We know that ours is an aging society, with people living longer than ever. We understand too that some people will be unable to care for themselves in their later years. A program offering practical advice about resources, public and private, to help caregivers provide the best care for their ailing relatives -- and respite for themselves -- would offer a real service. But this program did not do that. Instead -- and I'm sure I'm not alone in reacting like this -- it made me feel that I'd better bump myself off right away before I become the kind of burden depicted in these stories! One middle-age woman was at breaking point, caring for her helpless mother at the same time as looking after teenage children and holding down a part-time job. In one vignette, a wife divorced her husband, unable to care for his ailing parents any longer. He was left to manage on his own, until his own health declined dramatically. And so the stories went. Now, I am not a Pollyanna; I know that these are realities. There are, though, other realities, and I would like to see a program about the vast majority of older people who do not need long-term care, who are vibrant and productive until the end of their lives, who are, in fact, able to help their children and grandchildren. I can find five stories off the top of my head: An acquaintance living in Houston is, at 92, an active member of a busy, lively household. Her daughter and son-in-law care for their teenagers, some adopted children and a slew of foster children. "Gramma" cooks for them, organizes chores for the children and is always ready with hugs and advice to anyone in need. I met her at a kid's birthday party where she was replenishing the buffet and making sure everyone's glass was full. A family friend, an actor and director, turned 80 last year. For his "party-piece," he performed an elaborate tap dance, a prolonged, energetic production number. He is a busy working actor and is directing a play off-Broadway. I've just seen a musical adaptation of "Great Expectations," written by Margaret Hoorneman. She is in her mid-90s a retired schoolteacher. This is her first staged production. A friend first walked the Los Angeles Marathon when she was 78 -- then did it again the following year, placing second in her class (a small class, to be sure). She plans to walk it again when she turns 80. All over my house, I have paintings by an artist who didn't pick up a brush until after he retired. A "primitive" painter, he had substantial success, with gallery showings of his work in cities across the world. I feel better, just recounting these stories! Now let's see a documentary about the joys of living long and aging well! [rc] Monica B. Morris lives in Hollywood. Her latest book, to be published in August is "Goodnight Children, Everywhere." Other books include "That Ridiculous Blue Sky: A Novel" and "Falling in Love Again: The Mature Woman's Guide to Finding Romantic Fulfillment." Copyright 2009 Los Angeles Times