.
MUMBAI, India / Seniors World Chronicle / India File / Life / July 5, 2009
They have been married for 70 years. They have 7 children, 16 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren. A couple that has a working class background and lives in a middle-class area of western Mumbai suburb, Santa Cruz. Baldev and wife Vishna are both aged 89 today. They have been together through traumatic times and ecstatic experiences, much like other typical families in this metro that they keep calling Bombay.
Baldev had always had a meagre income. All his life they lived within their means, never took any loans, no credit cards. He made sure all seven children got good education. When time came, their five daughters were married off with traditional 'pomp', into good families. Their two sons had graduated.
The only time Baldev had a 5-figure sum in his bank account was in 1980 when at age 60 he retired after 32 years of service as a Cashier with BSES, now known as Reliance Energy. That 'fortune' was invested in a small industrial gala for his two sons to start business.
Soon after retirement, Baldev found work managing a smalltime eating house, which helped him keep bringing home some money. Life had its ups and downs. By and large it was going alright and he was happy he remained active. When, 12 years later, that business closed down, he got a packet. Timely help to contribute to his elder son's purchase of a neighbouring flat.
Baldev and Vishna have never complained. About their monetary situation, about their lifestyle. They could never afford going out, vacations or any luxuries. There were moments of joy and of anxieties when children - and later grandchildren - earned laurels at school and university, or had rough times finding their bearings. Others around them were never silent, always full of woes. While these others did everything to come up to expectations of others, Baldev and Vishna accepted what came their way, as
karma.
Vishna and Baldev had arrived at an unstated understanding: he would do his best to bring home all he could. She would be meticulous, very careful that it was well spent. Secretively, she would even save a bit. That way she had always been generous, as Mama, as grandma, to their children's children, and years later, even to their great grandchildren.
===================================================================================
Life and Lifestyle
Vishna was born in Shikarpur, Sind of British India's Bombay Province on January 30, 1920. Baldev was born in the same town on September 24, 1920. Their fathers had a common friend who thought the match would work as they were of same social and economic stature. They married in Karachi in 1939. The textiles trading business Baldev's father had was in doldrums at that time. Everyone said get married rightaway, economic recession will soon make things worse. Baldev also tried his hand at trading but it did not work. Vishna brought luck and he found a job. Throughout his life he has worked for others. The couple moved to Bombay in 1946. Two years later he got a clerical job with the local electric supply company on a salary of Rs.160 per month, a job that he kept for 32 years. His first home was a twin-room tenement in the chawls of Bombay's labour area Lalbaug. Many years later they moved to distant Santa Cruz, closer to his company's head office.
===================================================================================
They have had their own way of remaining a close-knit family. If Baldev and Vishna were invited to a wedding reception, they would be there together with the children and their children. There's the grandmother with her brood, people would comment, when they saw them all crowding together at the same dinner table. Understandable, others would say, there's so much bonding in the family.
SUDDENLY, SIX YEARS AGO, one evening over a quiet dinner Baldev noticed that Vishna began faltering while talking. Later he noticed it was not only her voice that was affected. Her right hand was showing signs of paralysis. Then the whole right arm, and soon the right leg, were paralysed. She lost her voice, but the face remained normal. Her hearty laugh became a forced smile. She could not lift herself, eat on her own or go to the toilet. She needed a caretaker round the clock. At age 83 the right side of Vishna's body was paralysed. She could not speak.
First week July 2009 Baldev, now 89, recalled how life changed for this senior couple, almost overnight. He narrated to
Seniors World Chronicle's Ravi Chawla the total transition. Their quiet, uneventful daily routine had turned into frustration-filled days.
Baldev was emotional as he expressed anguish that his ever-active, totally dedicated and committed companion had become dependent on others. The worst was that Vishna, a very vocal and extremely communicative person could not express herself.
Vishna was 83 when she was paralysed. Baldev was also 83. They engaged a trained caretaker for the day, another for the night. For the first two years, this continued. It began to affect the couple's finances. A lot goes towards expenses on medication too. Baldev has interest income from post office savings and small fixed deposits with a bank. Fortunately, the sons also help out. Their income has been hit by the current economic recession but they share what they earn. Baldev had one fear, though: What if the sons' resources dry out?
==================================================================================
Baldev and Vishna's Seven Children
*
Mithoo, eldest son, married Renu. They have two daughters and one son. Renu died of cancer in 2006. Both daughters are married and have one son each.
*
Sheela and Sham have two sons and one daughter. These three have a total of four children. Sheela is now a widow.
Photo with a few from their loving family
*
Vasanti and Behari have two sons. Both these sons are married and have a total of four children. All of them are based in London, England.
*
Shobha and Mithoo have one son, one daughter. These both are married and have a total of two children.
*
Ram, second son of Vishna and Baldev, married Sharda. They have two daughters, one of whom has a daughter. Ram and Sharda live with Vishna and Baldev.
*
Vimla and Baldev have two sons. One is married, lives in the USA.
*
Mala and Amarlal have two sons, both are unmarried.
==================================================================================
Almost as an immediate afterthought he adds he has faith in destiny. It is not only one's own good or bad karma that affects life. It is also the karma of your parents, your siblings. There is, above all, the feeling that nothing can eventually go wrong longterm in the lives of those who have not harmed others wittingly, Baldev says.
Vishna has her own way of telling us how she feels guilty that her husband looks after her 24x7. The caretakers are there, but there are frequent moments every day when Vishna insists on being attended by her husband. She has become exigent. No doubt, fatigue tells on him, family members note. Baldev interrupts them: When she served me so unconditionally for 64 years, why should I back out after six years of looking after her? At first, he thought she would come out of it gradually. He blames the doctors for not taking timely, corrective action. Long, long ago, someone had forecast that in late life, he would spend many years looking after his wife, that he would die a widower, he reveals.
Is it love that drives Baldev to do this for Vishna? No, it's not just love. All her life she has been so caring, so subservient. It is only right that I look after her. I don't want to leave her to anyone else's care, he emphasises.
With age comes such true, such complete commitment. It gives one a sense of having done your bit. The rest we leave to the Gods of Things Small and Big.[
rc]
The author, Ravi Chawla, is Editor of Seniors World Chronicle.
© 2009 Seniors World Chronicle
They have been married for 70 years. They have 7 children, 16 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren. A couple that has a working class background and lives in a middle-class area of western Mumbai suburb, Santa Cruz. Baldev and wife Vishna are both aged 89 today. They have been together through traumatic times and ecstatic experiences, much like other typical families in this metro that they keep calling Bombay.
Baldev had always had a meagre income. All his life they lived within their means, never took any loans, no credit cards. He made sure all seven children got good education. When time came, their five daughters were married off with traditional 'pomp', into good families. Their two sons had graduated.
The only time Baldev had a 5-figure sum in his bank account was in 1980 when at age 60 he retired after 32 years of service as a Cashier with BSES, now known as Reliance Energy. That 'fortune' was invested in a small industrial gala for his two sons to start business.
Soon after retirement, Baldev found work managing a smalltime eating house, which helped him keep bringing home some money. Life had its ups and downs. By and large it was going alright and he was happy he remained active. When, 12 years later, that business closed down, he got a packet. Timely help to contribute to his elder son's purchase of a neighbouring flat.
Baldev and Vishna have never complained. About their monetary situation, about their lifestyle. They could never afford going out, vacations or any luxuries. There were moments of joy and of anxieties when children - and later grandchildren - earned laurels at school and university, or had rough times finding their bearings. Others around them were never silent, always full of woes. While these others did everything to come up to expectations of others, Baldev and Vishna accepted what came their way, as karma.
Vishna and Baldev had arrived at an unstated understanding: he would do his best to bring home all he could. She would be meticulous, very careful that it was well spent. Secretively, she would even save a bit. That way she had always been generous, as Mama, as grandma, to their children's children, and years later, even to their great grandchildren.
===================================================================================
Life and Lifestyle
Vishna was born in Shikarpur, Sind of British India's Bombay Province on January 30, 1920. Baldev was born in the same town on September 24, 1920. Their fathers had a common friend who thought the match would work as they were of same social and economic stature. They married in Karachi in 1939. The textiles trading business Baldev's father had was in doldrums at that time. Everyone said get married rightaway, economic recession will soon make things worse. Baldev also tried his hand at trading but it did not work. Vishna brought luck and he found a job. Throughout his life he has worked for others. The couple moved to Bombay in 1946. Two years later he got a clerical job with the local electric supply company on a salary of Rs.160 per month, a job that he kept for 32 years. His first home was a twin-room tenement in the chawls of Bombay's labour area Lalbaug. Many years later they moved to distant Santa Cruz, closer to his company's head office.
===================================================================================
They have had their own way of remaining a close-knit family. If Baldev and Vishna were invited to a wedding reception, they would be there together with the children and their children. There's the grandmother with her brood, people would comment, when they saw them all crowding together at the same dinner table. Understandable, others would say, there's so much bonding in the family.
SUDDENLY, SIX YEARS AGO, one evening over a quiet dinner Baldev noticed that Vishna began faltering while talking. Later he noticed it was not only her voice that was affected. Her right hand was showing signs of paralysis. Then the whole right arm, and soon the right leg, were paralysed. She lost her voice, but the face remained normal. Her hearty laugh became a forced smile. She could not lift herself, eat on her own or go to the toilet. She needed a caretaker round the clock. At age 83 the right side of Vishna's body was paralysed. She could not speak.
First week July 2009 Baldev, now 89, recalled how life changed for this senior couple, almost overnight. He narrated to Seniors World Chronicle's Ravi Chawla the total transition. Their quiet, uneventful daily routine had turned into frustration-filled days.
Baldev was emotional as he expressed anguish that his ever-active, totally dedicated and committed companion had become dependent on others. The worst was that Vishna, a very vocal and extremely communicative person could not express herself.
Vishna was 83 when she was paralysed. Baldev was also 83. They engaged a trained caretaker for the day, another for the night. For the first two years, this continued. It began to affect the couple's finances. A lot goes towards expenses on medication too. Baldev has interest income from post office savings and small fixed deposits with a bank. Fortunately, the sons also help out. Their income has been hit by the current economic recession but they share what they earn. Baldev had one fear, though: What if the sons' resources dry out?
==================================================================================
Baldev and Vishna's Seven Children
* Mithoo, eldest son, married Renu. They have two daughters and one son. Renu died of cancer in 2006. Both daughters are married and have one son each.
* Sheela and Sham have two sons and one daughter. These three have a total of four children. Sheela is now a widow.
Photo with a few from their loving family
* Vasanti and Behari have two sons. Both these sons are married and have a total of four children. All of them are based in London, England.
* Shobha and Mithoo have one son, one daughter. These both are married and have a total of two children.
* Ram, second son of Vishna and Baldev, married Sharda. They have two daughters, one of whom has a daughter. Ram and Sharda live with Vishna and Baldev.
* Vimla and Baldev have two sons. One is married, lives in the USA.
* Mala and Amarlal have two sons, both are unmarried.
==================================================================================
Almost as an immediate afterthought he adds he has faith in destiny. It is not only one's own good or bad karma that affects life. It is also the karma of your parents, your siblings. There is, above all, the feeling that nothing can eventually go wrong longterm in the lives of those who have not harmed others wittingly, Baldev says.
Vishna has her own way of telling us how she feels guilty that her husband looks after her 24x7. The caretakers are there, but there are frequent moments every day when Vishna insists on being attended by her husband. She has become exigent. No doubt, fatigue tells on him, family members note. Baldev interrupts them: When she served me so unconditionally for 64 years, why should I back out after six years of looking after her? At first, he thought she would come out of it gradually. He blames the doctors for not taking timely, corrective action. Long, long ago, someone had forecast that in late life, he would spend many years looking after his wife, that he would die a widower, he reveals.
Is it love that drives Baldev to do this for Vishna? No, it's not just love. All her life she has been so caring, so subservient. It is only right that I look after her. I don't want to leave her to anyone else's care, he emphasises.
With age comes such true, such complete commitment. It gives one a sense of having done your bit. The rest we leave to the Gods of Things Small and Big.[rc]
The author, Ravi Chawla, is Editor of Seniors World Chronicle.
© 2009 Seniors World Chronicle
