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PITTSBURGH, Pennsylania / The Examiner.com / June 18, 2009
By David Lindberg / Pittsburgh Elder Care Examiner
David Lindberg has lived in the Pittsburgh area all his life, and writes about the increasing challenges and rewards Baby Boomers face as they begin caring for their aging parents. As David has watched his mother go through Alzheimer’s Disease, he has gained knowledge and a passion to pass that learning on to others. A musician for over 40 years, David has recently rediscovered his passions for music and writing.
Photos of Dad's early years
I lost my Dad on December 21, 1989 and I think about and talk about him more as the years go by. It seems like the early hurt goes away but the yearning to talk to or see him increases as time goes by. My Dad was the life force and humor of our family. I don’t mean to say he was perfect...none of us can say that! He was flawed and I was quick to find those flaws when he was alive and I was younger. I basically got along with my Dad, but I often thought how I would be a better father than he was in many ways. I did do things differently, but that didn’t make me a more perfect father...just a different flawed father.
When we are young, we all think how we will do things better when we are parents. What actually happens is that we may try harder, but nature compensates by making us screw up in other ways. Everything in nature and life is about balance.
My wife never met my Dad. He died a few years before I met her and therefore she missed all the humor and wonderment he gave to us. That’s probably one reason I talk about him a lot. I tell her the stories about how he was basically the straight man. He did so many funny things, but usually didn’t laugh about them. All of us in the family laughed and he was never bothered about that. I think he knew he was making us happy.
My Dad never talked to me about the serious things in life. In fact, neither of my parents ever did that. It was what parents did in that generation. That was one thing my generation of Baby Boomers tried to do differently. We started talking to our children about life. My Dad’s generation let all that important information find their children though osmosis via the school of hard knocks...in other words, we learned it as we made mistakes. Now that I am older, I have no idea who had the better approach.
So everyday I think about my Dad since he died, I think of what it would be like to travel back in time and talk to him when he was a young man, even before he was married and had a family. I would love to talk to him about his fears, his hopes and dreams. I would love to talk to him on equal terms, about us having the same fears, hopes and dreams.
I also never hugged or said the words, “I love you” to him. I really regret that! We just never talked openly like that in my family. I make sure I say if often in my family. I even recently started forcing myself to hug my wife’s father. I have only shook his hand for hello and good-bye for the last 15 years. I recently just made my mind up to hug him instead, as I do to the rest of the family. I found, to my surprise, that he seemed to be waiting for it!
So this father’s day, if you are blessed enough to still have your father, make sure you show and say the things that he wants to hear.
Think a bit of how you WILL want to do and say these things someday.....someday when it may be too late and then make yourself do it this Father’s Day. Once you do, it will be easy to continue from that point on.
Give him a huge hug! It will be his best gift.
These are the things that matter while we are here! These are the things that last forever! These are the times to act, forgive flaws and show that he matters to you. No matter what mistakes a father makes, most of the time, they do want to know that something they did in their lifetime mattered![
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Copyright © 2009 Clarity Digital Group LLC d/b/a Examiner.com
David Lindberg has lived in the Pittsburgh area all his life, and writes about the increasing challenges and rewards Baby Boomers face as they begin caring for their aging parents. As David has watched his mother go through Alzheimer’s Disease, he has gained knowledge and a passion to pass that learning on to others. A musician for over 40 years, David has recently rediscovered his passions for music and writing.
Photos of Dad's early years
I lost my Dad on December 21, 1989 and I think about and talk about him more as the years go by. It seems like the early hurt goes away but the yearning to talk to or see him increases as time goes by. My Dad was the life force and humor of our family. I don’t mean to say he was perfect...none of us can say that! He was flawed and I was quick to find those flaws when he was alive and I was younger. I basically got along with my Dad, but I often thought how I would be a better father than he was in many ways. I did do things differently, but that didn’t make me a more perfect father...just a different flawed father.
When we are young, we all think how we will do things better when we are parents. What actually happens is that we may try harder, but nature compensates by making us screw up in other ways. Everything in nature and life is about balance.
My wife never met my Dad. He died a few years before I met her and therefore she missed all the humor and wonderment he gave to us. That’s probably one reason I talk about him a lot. I tell her the stories about how he was basically the straight man. He did so many funny things, but usually didn’t laugh about them. All of us in the family laughed and he was never bothered about that. I think he knew he was making us happy.
My Dad never talked to me about the serious things in life. In fact, neither of my parents ever did that. It was what parents did in that generation. That was one thing my generation of Baby Boomers tried to do differently. We started talking to our children about life. My Dad’s generation let all that important information find their children though osmosis via the school of hard knocks...in other words, we learned it as we made mistakes. Now that I am older, I have no idea who had the better approach.
So everyday I think about my Dad since he died, I think of what it would be like to travel back in time and talk to him when he was a young man, even before he was married and had a family. I would love to talk to him about his fears, his hopes and dreams. I would love to talk to him on equal terms, about us having the same fears, hopes and dreams.
I also never hugged or said the words, “I love you” to him. I really regret that! We just never talked openly like that in my family. I make sure I say if often in my family. I even recently started forcing myself to hug my wife’s father. I have only shook his hand for hello and good-bye for the last 15 years. I recently just made my mind up to hug him instead, as I do to the rest of the family. I found, to my surprise, that he seemed to be waiting for it!
So this father’s day, if you are blessed enough to still have your father, make sure you show and say the things that he wants to hear.
Think a bit of how you WILL want to do and say these things someday.....someday when it may be too late and then make yourself do it this Father’s Day. Once you do, it will be easy to continue from that point on.
Give him a huge hug! It will be his best gift.
These are the things that matter while we are here! These are the things that last forever! These are the times to act, forgive flaws and show that he matters to you. No matter what mistakes a father makes, most of the time, they do want to know that something they did in their lifetime mattered![rc]
Copyright © 2009 Clarity Digital Group LLC d/b/a Examiner.com
