USA: Helping kids understand a grandparent with Alzheimer's Disease

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DENVER, Colorado / Examiner / March 19, 2009

By Lisa Walsh, Denver Family Interactions Examiner

How do you explain Alzheimer’s disease to children?

Lisa Melvin, RN, BSN, and Executive Director of Golden Pond Retirement Community outside of Denver, Colorado puts it this way:

“There is a problem with the brains of people with Alzheimer’s. They’ve lost their memory and their ability to learn new things. Those with Alzheimer’s can’t help their bizarre behavior. It’s the disease that is making them act strangely.” She says it’s important to reiterate to children that you must treat the grandparent who has Alzheimer’s disease with respect and dignity.

“Even if they don’t know how to use a fork,” Ms. Melvin states.

I recall one instance when we were visiting my parents at their home in Virginia. We had all finished eating a meal, and I had prepped my children on after dinner etiquette. When my kids turned to my Dad at the head of the table and asked to be excused, his response was so laden with gratitude and emotion that I looked down at my lap, blinking away the tears threatened to fall.

Ms. Melvin also says it’s imperative that children understand who the grandparent used to be before the disease claimed and altered their personality. One way to do this is to talk about the grandparent often, casually mentioning them in everyday conversation. My kids often quote my Dad, declaring that “Everything is better with butter.”

Another method of letting children into the lives of those who have Alzheimer’s is to look at photos of the past, when the grandparent was vital, active, and normal. In my Dad’s case, his sense of adventure is evident in pictures of him scuba diving, skiing, sailing, biking, and being a youthful Army Paratrooper, clutching his parachute to his chest. My children are often quiet, looking at photos of my Dad, wearing sunglasses, preparing to ski down the summit of a snow-capped mountain in Japan. Reconciling an old grandparent who sometimes does strange things with a youthful man doing vibrant activities is difficult for a child.

For more info: www.alzheimers.org; www.alz.org; photo by bjwebbiz.com from morguefile.com

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