Photo courtesy Enric Corbero
According to Nguyen Dinh Cu, director of the Institute for Population and Social Studies, getting married for a second time is a right that all people, including the elderly, should have. Unfortunately, most people don’t try to understand the situation people like Hoa and Chi find themselves in. Cu says most people are opposed to the elderly remarrying, adding that most children don’t want to have another person to take care of in their family and are afraid of what other people may think about their new family.
Many older men face hurdles getting married, but for older women, the hurdles are even greater. Old traditions die hard, and unfortunately some still have the view that a wife should never get married again, even after her husband has died.
Cu said his institute has carried out a survey in Ha Noi and found only one in five people would agree to let their parents remarry. The majority think the elderly do not need any more love affairs, says Cu.
Cu said the prejudice makes the elderly themselves afraid of remarrying. Many women say no to good men as they do not want to be criticised and gossiped about by neighbours.
I met an elderly and beautiful woman in this situation. The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said her husband died when she was 46. After that, several men proposed. Her children’s response was to move from her house to stay with their grandparents.
She says that since then, she has put her children first and denied herself the joys of having a partner. At the age of 55, she is still good-looking and attractive.
“Sometimes, I want to be loved by a man, but I do not want to lose my children,” she says. “So, I chose to stay alone.”
However, some elderly people manage to successfully remarry. Cu cites the example of an 80-year-old man who ignored his children’s protests and remarried.
“He is now very happy,” says Cu.
It’s unfortunate that so many children force single parents to choose between their children and their happiness. Cu says people should be more sympathetic, and children especially should give more thought to their parents’ needs instead of themselves. The older their single parents are, the more they need a partner to be with them, says Cu.
Viet Nam’s population is ageing. The elderly make up 9.45% of the total population – or about eight million.
According to Cu, the state has plenty of policies to help the elderly live happily, but on some areas, support is lacking. Society’s views on the elderly remarrying is one area that could benefit from some government input.
- Viet Nam News
Copyright © 1995-2009 Star Publications (M) Bhd
January 18, 2009
VIET NAM: Widowed elderly need love, too
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HA NOI, Viet Nam / The Malaysian Star / January 18, 2009
By Minh Huong
Widower Nguyen Van Hoa, who is 65 years old, has wanted to marry for the last 10 years. However, his children disagree with the idea. Hoa has lived alone in his own home in a small street in Ha Noi since his two children married and moved away to live with their own families.
“Now that I feel more and more lonely, my son feels sorry for me and is encouraging me to find a new woman.” says Hoa. “But it’s too late. Who wants me now? I am too old.”
But Hoa can’t really blame his children for his predicament, as many people in Vietnamese society frown upon elderly people re-marrying.
Thirty-year-old Nguyen Thi Van, whose mother has a steady boyfriend, says she tries to do everything she can to put an end to her mother’s new relationship.
“He used to come to my home, but after I found out he wanted to marry my mother, I banned him from coming,” says Van. “What does she want with him at the age of almost 60? Many other women of her age are in similar situations but don’t consider marrying again. Why must she have another husband?”
Van is one of many who think the elderly are too old for “that kind of relationship”. She says she stopped talking to her mother when she found out about her new flame. She thought the new man in her mother’s life was just trying to use her for money.
Van’s mother, Le Ngoan Chi, says she just wanted to have a friend to talk to.
Photo courtesy Enric Corbero
According to Nguyen Dinh Cu, director of the Institute for Population and Social Studies, getting married for a second time is a right that all people, including the elderly, should have. Unfortunately, most people don’t try to understand the situation people like Hoa and Chi find themselves in. Cu says most people are opposed to the elderly remarrying, adding that most children don’t want to have another person to take care of in their family and are afraid of what other people may think about their new family.
Many older men face hurdles getting married, but for older women, the hurdles are even greater. Old traditions die hard, and unfortunately some still have the view that a wife should never get married again, even after her husband has died.
Cu said his institute has carried out a survey in Ha Noi and found only one in five people would agree to let their parents remarry. The majority think the elderly do not need any more love affairs, says Cu.
Cu said the prejudice makes the elderly themselves afraid of remarrying. Many women say no to good men as they do not want to be criticised and gossiped about by neighbours.
I met an elderly and beautiful woman in this situation. The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said her husband died when she was 46. After that, several men proposed. Her children’s response was to move from her house to stay with their grandparents.
She says that since then, she has put her children first and denied herself the joys of having a partner. At the age of 55, she is still good-looking and attractive.
“Sometimes, I want to be loved by a man, but I do not want to lose my children,” she says. “So, I chose to stay alone.”
However, some elderly people manage to successfully remarry. Cu cites the example of an 80-year-old man who ignored his children’s protests and remarried.
“He is now very happy,” says Cu.
It’s unfortunate that so many children force single parents to choose between their children and their happiness. Cu says people should be more sympathetic, and children especially should give more thought to their parents’ needs instead of themselves. The older their single parents are, the more they need a partner to be with them, says Cu.
Viet Nam’s population is ageing. The elderly make up 9.45% of the total population – or about eight million.
According to Cu, the state has plenty of policies to help the elderly live happily, but on some areas, support is lacking. Society’s views on the elderly remarrying is one area that could benefit from some government input.
- Viet Nam News
Copyright © 1995-2009 Star Publications (M) Bhd
Photo courtesy Enric Corbero
According to Nguyen Dinh Cu, director of the Institute for Population and Social Studies, getting married for a second time is a right that all people, including the elderly, should have. Unfortunately, most people don’t try to understand the situation people like Hoa and Chi find themselves in. Cu says most people are opposed to the elderly remarrying, adding that most children don’t want to have another person to take care of in their family and are afraid of what other people may think about their new family.
Many older men face hurdles getting married, but for older women, the hurdles are even greater. Old traditions die hard, and unfortunately some still have the view that a wife should never get married again, even after her husband has died.
Cu said his institute has carried out a survey in Ha Noi and found only one in five people would agree to let their parents remarry. The majority think the elderly do not need any more love affairs, says Cu.
Cu said the prejudice makes the elderly themselves afraid of remarrying. Many women say no to good men as they do not want to be criticised and gossiped about by neighbours.
I met an elderly and beautiful woman in this situation. The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said her husband died when she was 46. After that, several men proposed. Her children’s response was to move from her house to stay with their grandparents.
She says that since then, she has put her children first and denied herself the joys of having a partner. At the age of 55, she is still good-looking and attractive.
“Sometimes, I want to be loved by a man, but I do not want to lose my children,” she says. “So, I chose to stay alone.”
However, some elderly people manage to successfully remarry. Cu cites the example of an 80-year-old man who ignored his children’s protests and remarried.
“He is now very happy,” says Cu.
It’s unfortunate that so many children force single parents to choose between their children and their happiness. Cu says people should be more sympathetic, and children especially should give more thought to their parents’ needs instead of themselves. The older their single parents are, the more they need a partner to be with them, says Cu.
Viet Nam’s population is ageing. The elderly make up 9.45% of the total population – or about eight million.
According to Cu, the state has plenty of policies to help the elderly live happily, but on some areas, support is lacking. Society’s views on the elderly remarrying is one area that could benefit from some government input.
- Viet Nam News
Copyright © 1995-2009 Star Publications (M) Bhd
