writes Antonia Zerbisias
TORONTO, Ontario (The Star), February 15, 2008:
`Where is everybody?"
That is my Mom's constant refrain.
It breaks my heart that, most of the year, we are linked only by long distance plans. I wish I could be there for her more often.
At 90, she is crippled by osteoporosis and arthritis, physically frail but, aside from some short-term memory issues, as mentally adept as ever. She can still tell a story, sing an aria and reach out with comfort, congratulations or a cheque.
In her large assisted-living apartment, she passes her days crocheting baby items for the Red Cross and, along with her posse of devoted helpers, watches the sort of reality shows she once would have sneered at.
This was a woman who used to be hooked on the news channels, who had great political insight and who, after the death of my father in 1968, not only picked herself up and became a community worker but also travelled alone through Europe and the Middle East.
But now she can't go without a walker and an arm to lean on. She can no longer hear music. She can't read the papers.
Her world is closing in.
Even worse, her friends have all died. Only one of her 10 siblings is still alive, but is more present in body than mind.
"Where is everybody?"
Mom misses the comings and goings, the noise and the nuttiness of a huge family.
At our house, we were eight. It was like living in Union Station on Fridays at 5. People were constantly dropping in. Our friends were always welcome. Every dinner was a dinner party, with guests.
I was 16 when, on a wintry Saturday afternoon, I suddenly realized that, for the first time in my entire life, I was alone in the house.
"Where is everybody?"
It's no surprise that elderly women suffer from depression in far greater numbers than do elderly men. That's been proven many times, most recently last week.
According to Yale University research published in the Archives of General Psychology, not only do older women suffer disproportionately more despression, but they can't seem to snap out of it. Whether it's because the meds aren't effective on them or some other factor, the research can't determine.
The conclusion is, there is no conclusion.
It's true that, throughout their lives, women are more predisposed to depression and are more likely to reveal it. Depressed men, on the other hand, tend to suffer in silence – and have a greater tendency to commit suicide.
But older women are more vulnerable. They live longer than men and therefore are more prone to age-related physical problems. They are more likely to be widowed, have fewer resources, live in fear of everything from falling to purse-snatching, tend not to get as good medical attention as do men, and, in general, feel invisible in a society that shows no respect, not only for the aged, but aged women in particular.
(Consider the attacks on Hillary Clinton for being "old." Male candidates older than her 60 years aren't subjected to such criticism.)
There are many theories why women get more depressed, from hormones to the fact that they tend to "ruminate'' more on their sadness than do men.
That may be the case for younger women.
But, when it comes to our aged mothers and grandmothers, it seems simple.
Women spend their lives forging emotional bonds with others, from their children to their friends to their neighbours.
Those bonds hold their lives together. When they are cut by the death of loved ones, the women are unravelled, feeling alone and sad and lonely.
"Where is everybody?"
Somewhere else, Mom. Somewhere else.
Antonia Zerbisias is a Living section
columnist. azerbisias@thestar.ca She blogs at thestar.blogs.com
© Copyright Toronto Star 1996-2008
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Extract from Antonia Zerbisias' Blog
Broadsides by Antonia Zerbisias
Antonia Zerbisias is back to blogging. The Star's Living section columnist launches Broadsides, her fearless, funny and feminist take on the man's world where women live. Join in as she kicks butt
February 15, 2008
The Great Depression
Last week, yet another study on women and depression was published. This one focused on older women who, like younger women, exhibit -- or perhaps admit to? -- more depression than do men.
Antonia Zerbisias' mother Lulu, far right, about 14, poses for a portrait in Montreal with her mother and 10 siblings. How nice that older women got some attention, for once. Seems that, once a woman hits her 60s, she might as well be invisible, even to the medical establishment.
Anyway, according to the study:
Researchers say major depression affects only about 1-2 percent of the elderly population, but up to 20 percent may suffer from significant symptoms of depression that require treatment.
Although previous studies have shown that elderly women suffer disproportionately more from depression, researchers say the reasons for these gender differences are not clear.
The conclusion -- and, please, try not to laugh:
Among older persons, the higher burden of depression in women than men seems to be attributable to a greater susceptibility to depression and, once depressed, to more persistent depression and a lower probability of death.
That was helpful, wasn't it?
All this made me reflect on my Mom's situation in today's column. Lulu, 90, who admits ''the old grey mare ain't what she used to be,'' is, I think, a textbook example of why many older women may be depressed.
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