USA: Friendly Visitors Reach Out To Elderly

SAN JOSE (San Jose Mercury News), December 25, 2007: Eda Stefani brightened into a big smile as soon as she spotted Richard Bartolini at her door. "My friend!" she exclaimed. Stefani, 94, is a resident at Waters Edge Nursing Home in Alameda. Bartolini is a retired Alameda Superior Court judge. Once a week -- and often more frequently -- he visits her as part of a program called Alameda Friendly Visitors, which matches volunteers with homebound people of all ages for informal visits. "You have no idea how much our residents look forward to these visits," said Kryspin Turcyznski, the activities director at Waters Edge. "They love the prolonged individual attention. We do a lot for them, but we can't necessarily devote a whole hour to each person because we are responsible for so many." Stefani and Bartolini spent the better part of an hour talking about the old days in Alameda, before the Naval Air Station was built, when truck farms dotted the landscape. "Do you remember those vegetable gardens, Eda?" asked Bartolini. "I used to go down there when I was a youngster and 'borrow' carrots and radishes and get yelled at by the farmers. Then I wound up being a judge. I guess I decided to go straight." Stefani laughed. All too soon it was lunchtime, and Bartolini reluctantly got up to leave so Stefani could eat her meal. "I'll be back soon, Eda," he said. "Thank you for coming," she replied. "I love you so much." Visibly moved, Bartolini confided afterward, "That's one of the rewards of doing this -- they are so appreciative." Stefani is one of five people Bartolini visits each week -- two in their own homes and three in nursing facilities. "The thing to remember is that it's not about you, it's about them," he said. "I try to draw them out and find common ground to talk about." Bartolini has been a Friendly Visitor since the program was founded in 2004. The first person he visited, a man named James, was hard to draw out because he spoke only in monosyllables. But James had been an avid fisherman, so Bartolini went to the library and read every book he could find about the sport. Soon they were chatting for hours about lures, bait and other fishing lore. "That's another reward from doing this," he said. "These people have had such interesting lives, and I've learned a lot from each one of them." Friendly Visitors grew out of Alameda Meals on Wheels, when volunteers who were delivering meals to shut-ins realized that they were often the only people the recipients saw all day. "People kept asking them to stay and talk for a while, but they couldn't because they had other meals to deliver before they got cold," said Meals on Wheels director Rosemary Reilly. "So the need for Friendly Visitors became obvious." To run the program, Reilly turned to her childhood friend, Kathy Miranda, who already had extensive experience directing volunteers as pastoral assistant at St. Joseph's Basilica in Alameda. Some Friendly Visitors recipients also get meals from Meals on Wheels, but not all. "They're two separate programs," said Reilly. "You can participate in either one or both, whatever you choose." Currently, Friendly Visitors has 55 volunteers making visits to more than 70 shut-ins. The volunteers include a retired minister, court reporter, human resources vice-president, and a children's theater owner. The recipients include a retired banker, elementary school teacher, antique dealer and a former NBA basketball player "And we have a huge waiting list of people who would like to get visits, so we need more volunteers," Miranda said. Miranda personally interviews every volunteer and every recipient, then matches them according to mutual interests. For security reasons, she also does background checks on all volunteers. She finds new recipients from a variety of sources, including local churches, care centers, social workers and police. "But our best source is families and neighbors," she said. "We often get referrals from people who happen to notice that an older person in their neighborhood seems to be lonely." And language is no barrier. Friendly Visitors has volunteers who can speak Spanish, German, Cantonese, Mandarin, Italian, Russian, Hindi, Tagalog and American Sign Language. More often than not, these visits blossom into lifelong friendships. "One of our volunteers, a young woman named Lindsay, started visiting an older woman who is blind," said Miranda. "The woman was buying books on tape, but she couldn't read the catalogs. So they were sending her tapes that nobody else wanted, and some of it was pretty raunchy stuff. "So Lindsay helped her pick out tapes, helped her buy clothes, took her for walks, took her out for lunch or coffee -- anything to get her out of the house. Lindsay eventually moved to Idaho, but she still calls her friend regularly to check in on her." Which brings up the question: Who benefits more -- the recipient or the volunteer? "I do," said Bartolini. "I want to pretend that they do, and I hope that they get as much satisfaction as I do. But the truth is that I really enjoy myself. The greatest joy comes from giving of yourself, even in small measures, because it makes a big difference." By Martin Snapp, Staff Writer Copyright 2007 San Jose Mercury News