Katherine Nichols playfully lifts her triathlon bicycle overhead while being photographed in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, a day before the Ironman Triathlon World Championship there. Nichols competed in and completed the race--the physical and emotional pain of her successful run to the finish line becoming part of her journey of healing from the physical and emotional strain of being a caregiver for a dementia patient. (AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)By Ron Staton - THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HONOLULU, Hawaii (Daily Herald, Provo, Utah - AP), November 11, 2007:
It was "The Pit," the bottom of the humid and desolate dark road leading to the Natural Energy Lab on the Big Island's Kona Coast, and Katherine Nichols had to dig deep to finish the Ironman Triathlon.
The physical and emotional pain of her successful run to the finish line was part of her journey of healing from the physical and emotional strain of being a caregiver for a dementia patient.
"Doing the Ironman this year was very symbolic for me," said the 41-year-old Nichols. "It was gaining the physical, mental and emotional strength to get through this journey. It has been part of my recovery from losing my husband."
Nichols is the former wife of Dr. Edwin Cadman, former dean of the University of Hawaii medical school, who went public with his illness when he resigned the prestigious post shortly after being diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia, a type of frontotemporal dementia, in March 2005.
At the time, Cadman was widely praised for his leadership of the school in developing a fledgling biotechnical industry. But he told school officials in resigning, "It is your vision, not mine. Embrace it, surround it and build it." Before coming to Hawaii, Cadman was professor of medicine at Yale University School of Medicine and was chief of staff at Yale New Haven Hospital.
Cadman, now 62, began showing symptoms in early 2004, having difficulty with speech and communication, Nichols said. It then moved to episodes of uncharacteristic behavior. "He was not himself. I didn't know what was going on. I thought he was under tremendous pressure in his job."
The couple was divorced later in 2005 after Cadman abruptly moved out of their home while his wife was vacationing on the mainland with her children and then, upon her return, told her he wanted a divorce. This despite what Nichols said was a very happy marriage.
Nichols said she resisted the split but finally agreed to the divorce because the only way to stop it was to prove his incompetence in public in court, she said. "It was the most painful experience ever. It broke my heart."
They continued seeing each other during and after the divorce proceedings, and Cadman proposed remarriage. But the erratic episodes continued. "I've lost him over and over again," she said. "The man I married is no longer with us."
The couple see each other less often now, but keep in frequent e-mail contact. Nichols, who still refers to Cadman as her husband, said he followed her race progress on the Ironman Web site and sent her a congratulatory e-mail when she finished. Nichols is a features writer for the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, who took a leave to work on a book detailing her experiences and those of others having to deal with dementia patients.
"There are many types of dementia but they all go the same place and involve losing someone you love before the person physically dies," she said.
The journey was difficult for Nichols, who said she always has been athletic and fit. "I was working, raising two teenagers and caring for my husband. This broke me. I had to put myself together again."
As a caregiver, "you always feel you are not doing enough." Nichols said. "There is the feeling you are failing everything and everybody. The feeling you are doing it all wrong. It's a feeling that you are totally inadequate.
"But you have to pull yourself out of that, and forgive yourself and tell yourself you are doing the best you can. And maybe the best thing for that particular day is rest."
That's the message Nichols has been sharing with caregivers and others in speeches and newspaper articles she has written. "It's very therapeutic to know I have been of service to others. That's why I speak publicly, why I write. As a writer, I feel compelled to help other people because so many people have helped me."
Several reasons led Nichols to the recent Ironman race this year, with its grueling bicycle, swim and full marathon run, for which she had failed to qualify when she last tried in 1997.
"It was a symbol of strength and recovery, and it was important for me to set this example for my children," who had told her the worst part of dealing with their stepfather's illness was seeing her reaction, she said. "They had to lose two people for a while.
"It's about healing yourself so you can help the people around you, and the Ironman was symbolic of that," she said. "You have to take care of yourself during the race to get through the day. That's what you have to do as a caregiver."
Nichols said she thought of Cadman during the race, especially during the difficult parts. "I thought about what I had been through with Ed and what he would have said to me," referring to words of encouragement she said he would have given.
It's also important to have goals that are significant to yourself, Nichols said.
"People say 'take care of yourself,' but many caregivers don't. They're too focused on the patient. Caregivers tend to put themselves aside. That's admirable but not healthy," she said.
"When you lose someone you love, I believe they would want us to move forward and enjoy life and remember them well," she said.
The race became a spiritual experience, she said. "Throughout the race I felt so grateful to be there, and said a prayer of thanks. I would look around and see how blessed I am after all this."
Nichols has been open in discussing her former husband's illness and having to deal with it, but balances that openness with a need to be respectful of him.
"I tell the truth because it is essential, and that is essential in getting through this," she said. "I wish it were different but it's not."
Copyright © 2007 Daily Herald and Lee Enterprises
