NIGERIA: "I Guess I Should Grow Up And Gracfully Accept It"

LAGOS (Vanguard), November 23, 2997: By Donu Kogbara, Lagos Sincere apologies for missing a couple of columns in the past month. I've been suffering from a prolonged bout of flu that is totally exhausting me and preventing me from efficiently coping with various professional duties. Until recently, flu barely affected me and I regarded it as a minor ailment that wasn't worth mentioning because the symptoms - sneezing, coughing, shivering, fever, catarrh, watering eyes - only lasted 3 or 4 days. But I've had 2 flu episodes this year and both have dragged on for a month and when I asked a doctor why the recovery time is so lengthy nowadays, he smiled wryly and gently reminded me that I am closer to 50 than 40. "Your body is ageing and getting weaker with each passing day," he said, "so it's hardly surprising that you can no longer quickly shake off the flu virus." On reflection, I don't know why I bothered to ask the doctor what was going on because I already knew the grim answer to my question. I already knew the answer because I have, for quite a while, been surrounded by proof that the sweet bird of youth has cruelly deserted me. I used to be a champion athlete. Now, I can't run up a short flight of stairs without running out of breath. I used to be able to socialise energetically until dawn. Now I run out of steam before midnight. I used to have glowing skin. Now my skin looks as tired as I feel. I used to be as slender as a reed, no matter how much I ate. Now, I am decidedly plump. I used to attract lavish compliments and turn heads whenever I walked into a room. Now I'm lucky if anyone notices my arrival or tells me that I look nice. I used to have a great memory. Now, I'm so forgetful that I constantly have to protect myself from incompetence by making lists of things I need to do. I guess I should grow up and graciously accept the fact that I cannot be in peak condition forever. But I am finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with the physical and mental deterioration that is a feature of all human existences; and I am very angry and very sad about my diminishing energies and fading looks and my inability to turn the clock back. Underlying this sadness and anger is a fear of dying. The knowledge that I am heading inexorably towards my grave is giving me sleepless nights at the moment; and I'd love to know what Vanguard readers feel about these issues. Do you dread death and ageing as much as I do? Or do you have a more mature and philosophical attitude towards these inevitabilities? Lavish expenses on the dead Talking about death, when a Nigerian Christian dies, his/her family feel obliged to raise as much cash as possible and invest tons of time and energy in burial arrangements. Brochures containing tributes and orders of service "have" to be compiled and printed. Obituaries "have" to be published in various newspapers. Vast amounts of food and drink "have" to be purchased so that guests can be entertained. Gift items "have" to be sourced and engraved, so that mourners can go home with souvenir key rings, umbrellas, notepads or whatever. Ashoebi "has" to be organized, so that relatives and friends can wear matching fabrics on the big day. In some cases, tailors are commissioned to produce several different outfits one for the Service of Songs, one for the people who will collect the body from the morgue, one for the wake-keeping, one for the actual funeral and one for the Thanksgiving. Often, these convoluted arrangements take several weeks or months to be completed. Often, millions of naira are spent on the fanfare. And it isn't unheard of for a corpse to languish in the mortuary for a year or more, so that the dead person's home can be renovated or simply so that sufficient funds can be gradually accumulated. Some folks even get into chronic debt situations because they are so determined to stage-manage grandiose farewell shows for dearly departed family members. Ironically, families often spend more on people when they are dead. I know so many elderly folks who don't enjoy any luxuries when they are alive...and are then sent off luxuriously when they die, Meanwhile, State Governments are frequently approached to assist with expenses. And they sometimes comply and contribute substantial sums. I totally understand the sentiments that underpin this widespread penchant for extravagant, time-consuming send-offs for late loved ones. But I have long felt that we Christians should seriously re-examine our burial policy. I have concluded that we have a lot to learn from our Muslim brethren who bury their dead very simply and within 24 hours. And I've told my close relatives not to make any fuss when I finally go to meet my Maker. I have made it clear that I want to be despatched as speedily and cheaply as possible. And I will haunt them if they don't comply with my wishes! Individuals and Governments have school fees to pay and roads to build. And they should invest their limited resources in the living, not in the dead. Copyright © 2007 Vanguard.