Gift of love ... Make the thought countBy Melissa Penfold and Jenny Tabakoff
MELBOURNE (The Age),November 15, 2007:
It's better to give than to receive - but don't make people wish you hadn't bothered.
Nearly everyone gets presents wrong - especially at Christmas. Buying so many things for so many people with such different tastes and interests in such a short space of time ... No wonder most givers miss the mark. That is the reason every house has shelves groaning under the weight of unloved, unwanted and unused gifts - things that are not practical, personal or beautiful.
When we open a present we want to see something which we can use immediately, which will slot effortlessly into our lives and which, because of the care with which it was chosen, will give us a boost. But how often does it happen?
Presents don't need to be expensive. The whole point of a gift is to show the recipient you appreciate and love him or her. If you choose with care, you don't have to spend a lot.
In fact, it's easier to go wrong with expensive gifts, because a budget demands rigour and imagination. Spend too much and you can give the impression that you have phoned a store and given a credit card number. A bunch of sweetpeas with a heartfelt card might work better.
You will be successful if you use your empathy gene to work out what makes your friends and family tick, then choose gifts appropriate to them. To do that you have to plan ahead. Presents bought at the last minute are always wrong and too expensive.
Here's how to get presents right every time.
Start a present drawer
Keep your antenna up whenever you shop. If you are always looking for great gifts, you won't miss the good buys. Build up a collection with military precision to suit all friends, all occasions.
Become a private investigator
Don't ask people in advance what they want. Just be smart and observant. Know your friends: spot the vacancies you can fill, the collections you can add to, turn over china to get the brand. Gather clues and jot them down in a diary.
Seek treats the recipients would never buy themselves
A terrific grater, a well-designed pepper grinder, a marble chopping board ... Things like these give a lifetime of pleasure. So will anything that conforms to your friends' tastes but they would think too indulgent to buy for themselves.
It's not all about you
Give things they would like, not things you would like.
Small is beautiful
Look for things that don't take up too much space and that don't impose your taste on the recipient too much.
Give lightly
Don't go on about the expense and trouble.
Money isn't everything...
Resist the urge to splurge in the belief that this will make you appear a better friend. Don't assume presents are worse because they are cheap, or superior because they are expensive. It's the thoughtfulness that counts.
.. but buy the best of whatever it is you're giving
The best of anything is special, whether it's a bookmark or a bauble.
Don't be late
Your gift must arrive on time (Boxing Day is too late).
What to give when you're broke
* Raid chains and discount shops for plain but quality tea-towels, guest-towels and pillowcases. Rip them out of their packaging, tear off the tag, wash, iron, fold into quarters and bundle in grosgrain ribbon or jute: they will look like something you have picked up in London.
* Buy a pair of plain hand-towels and get them monogrammed with the recipient's initials.
Gifts that never go wrong
* A cosy, mohair throw rug: one of life's essentials.
* Beautiful, personalised writing paper or cards.
* A cashmere scarf.
* A real feather-and-down pillow.
* Pure cotton or linen pillowcases in white.
* Thick, cotton handkerchiefs (white, of course) in generous proportions.
* Plain white sheets, towels, napkins.
* Brilliant quality olive oil, balsamic vinegar or wine (they send a message that you think the recipient appreciates the finer things).
* Sea salt flakes (a year's supply).
* A box of seasonal fruit.
* Scented beeswax candles.
* A generous French or English wicker basket, suitable for just about everything.
* A big breakfast cup and saucer with a fine rim and which can be popped into the dishwasher.
* Books that are the ultimate reference guide to something, preferably in hardback.
* A great pair of household scissors - weighty, sharp, useful, beautiful.
* Secateurs in a leather case: they'll use them all their lives.
* A leather writing book that can be slipped into a handbag for jotting notes
What to give children
No soft toys, sweets, silly string, inflatables, noise-makers or anything with too many parts. Instead, try these:
* Glowsticks: they work every time.
* Wooden-handled gardening sets: good for now, good for later
* The best-quality coloured pencils you can buy.
* A made-to-order rubber stamp set, with the recipient's initials and name - they'll get a lifetime's use from it.
* A yearly subscription to a suitable publication.
* A kite.
* A thick beach towel.
* A cushion with an encouraging bon-mot ("You're a star") that will work its way into their thinking.
* Sketchpads and plain albums for scrapbooking, drawing.
Gifts for teenagers
Tricky but they tend to respond well to quality adult goods. Try these:
* Driving lessons
* A really adult pen
* A good watch
* A grown-up wallet
* A powerful hairdryer
* A voucher for a facial or manicure (let them learn what high-maintenance means).
Gifts for teachers
Most teachers waddle to the car on the last day of Term 4 laden down with cheap soap and talc, chocolates on the verge of their expiry date and gallons of bubble bath. What Mr and Mrs Chips really want are gifts that will help them drown the memory of class 3C - a cellarful of crisp semillon blanc or mellow cab sav. Pile it on. They've already got enough bubble bath to last a lifetime. If teacher is teetotal, resort to the small-but-perfect tactic. The very best soaps, candles or stationery will stand out like a beacon among the usual dross they receive - or give a book voucher.
And for the ...
* Girl who wants to have fun: the latest clever gadget or gimmick that everyone is talking about (a breath freshener spray that promises happy childhood memories, an electric nail file, facelift in a bottle).
* Wine snob: a fantastically pretentious bottle from the most obscure point on earth. Power couple: matching business-card holders.
* Professional chef: saffron is always safe. Or try some new must-have ingredient (think barberries from Iran).
* Social climber: monogrammed napkins (they love seeing their name on anything).
* Book clubber: something you've seen reviewed well overseas that they can discuss at their next session.
* Environmentalist: a gift certificate that shows you have bought a goat in their name for someone in the Third World.
* Intellectual: imported boutique beer.
Now wrap it
Even a perfect present fails if the paper is crumpled, recycled, stained or torn. Finish the job properly - attractive ribbon, no sticky tape showing - to show how much you really care for them, and value the friendship. Great wrapping turns even a modest gift into an event.
What not to give
* Money: it should be given only by elderly relatives.
* Anything that requires its owners to dust, water, feed, sew, make, plant, polish, exercise or hang it.
* Hampers: everyone will know your secretary shopped for you.
* Anything recycled: whether it's a book or a gift box of soap, avoid the shame of giving something you've received. People can always tell.
* Anything reminiscent of something the recipient already has: it's amazing how often people are given echoes of what they own.
* Art: especially sculpture, because if they hate it, they'll hate it in 3D.
* Clothes: nobody likes to be dressed by someone else. A scarf or a wallet is as intimate as you should get.
* Lingerie: leave it for lovers.
* Anything that demands public display: nothing makes the heart sink like an enormous gift that the recipient knows will be difficult to throw out without you noting its absence.
* Anything obviously cheap: especially candles and soap. Cheap things make the recipient feel worthless and the friendship meaningless.
* Anything that requires a degree to set up.
* Fiction: it's a lottery. Nothing is worse than being quizzed on a book's contents - especially when it's in the bin.
Copyright © 2007.
