USA: 84-Year-Old Nurse Doesn't Mince Words About Sex

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colorado (The Gazette), October 9, 2007: Marilynn Doenges has sex on her mind. At 84 and a widow, you might think her thoughts would be elsewhere. Think again. She wants to educate people that old folks like sex. Next week brings the latest installment of the "Sex & Aging" seminar she's given for 10 years to University of Colorado at Colorado Springs gerontology students. The friendly granny with white, fluffy hair gives them an earful. "We live in a Victorian era as far as sex is concerned," she says. "People are sexual beings throughout their lives." The career nurse thinks sex ed should be lifelong as well. Doenges dabbled in the topic as a nurse in World War II, public health, psych units and classrooms -- and was bothered by the misconceptions. The seminar isn't just the facts. She tells bedroom jokes before getting into STDs, Viagra and masturbation. She doesn't blush. She doesn't mince words. Workers at geriatric centers are baffled by raging senior hormones. Adult children of elderly parents are in denial. "It is controversial. Some say, 'Oh, those old people shouldn't be doing that,'" she says. "They're entitled to have sex, if their mind is sound, if there isn't any harm done." You're never too old to practice safe sex, she says. "Older people can get STDs." Her advice: "Get tested before you hop into the sack." Workers need to get a grip on senior sex, she says. "Doctors don't ask you, 'How's your sex life?' They should ask." Which brings up the question: How is hers? "It's nil. I'm a widow with no partner. But I had a good sex life for years. And I had a great dream the other night." Lack of a mate is a big issue for seniors. "The pickings are slim," says Doenges, whose husband died in 1997. The solutions? Pleasure yourself. Go after what you want. In her seminar she shows a movie about a lady in a nursing home who crawls into bed with a gentleman down the hall. "The man who runs the home is incensed that she does something like that," she says. Turns out it isn't this lady's first romp. "He says, 'I understand you went to bed with Mr. Green. Now you are sleeping with Mr. White.' She says, 'Well, Mr. Green died.'" Some students are skeptical. At first. "One said, 'I don't think you can teach me anything I don't already know.' After class she said, 'I learned quite a bit.'" Doenges likes it when former students call out "Dr. Ruth" when they see her. She says her five children are "used to me." Her forte is writing nursing textbooks sold worldwide. This month, she's speaking at a conference in Switzerland on nursing care plans. Pretty dry stuff compared with the juicy seminar. Copyright (c) 2007, The Gazette, Colorado Springs, Colo