INDIA: Room For Two - The Empty Nest Phenomenon

MUMBAI (DNA Grandeur), March 2, 2007: The kids have left and it’s lonely in the nest. Money doesn’t seem to stretch as much as it did before. The solution — a paying guest. But as many have discovered, there are several issues involved when you throw your house open to a stranger. Suparna Thombare reports. ANNO & HOMI KAPADIA When the kids left, Anno and her husband Homi Kapadia wondered what to do with their house. They loved their old family home and liked the neighbourhood of Chimbai village in Bandra. But they were daunted by the rising costs of home ownership — property taxes, electricity, maintenance and repairs. Should they sell it, they’d often wonder. Or should they consider becoming landlords — taking in tenants or paying guests? After a lot of thought, they chose the last option. The Kapadias are among an increasing number of people who are throwing their homes open to paying guests for the sake of money and/or company. It’s been 25 years since they first let out a room in their two-bedroom apartment. And, except for one unpleasant incident, they have never had any cause to regret their decision. Yet, after more than two decades of living with strangers, the Kapadias remain wary about having paying guests in the house. “I don’t want to live off my children’s money,” says Anno. “So I am forced to keep a paying guest for monetary reasons. But we feel scared to let anyone in — I even pay the cable guy through the grill door.” Anno’s distrust of outsiders makes her keep out any maids or dabbawalas that her paying guests might want to hire. And even any visitors that they might have. All of them are expected to be in by 12pm. “I don’t keep paying guests for company. I don’t interact much with my PGs. I just greet them and make polite conversation sometimes.” The Kapadias believe that it’s better to be safe than sorry. Homi, a retired radio officer with Indian Airlines, remembers how an old lady who stayed two blocks away from their house was robbed and murdered a few months back. “It reminded me of something that happened to us once,” says the 92-year-old and looks at his wife. “We have never had trouble with any of our paying guests,” Anno continues, “except with two tenants who just disappeared one day. Later, the police called us—they were in some kind of trouble with the law. We were relieved that they hadn’t hurt us.” SAVITA INDURKAR But for some, paying guests can bring in more than cash, they can also provide some much-needed companionship. “It feels safer to have someone in the house. Since I have no kids, the house feels empty otherwise,” says sixty-four-year-old Savita Indurkar who has had paying guests in her one-bedroom apartment in Union Park, Khar for the past decade as an additional source of income to her husband’s pension. “My paying guest often helps me around with housework—like watering the plants, buying groceries. Also, there’s someone to turn to in case of an emergency situation”. Indurkar says it is essential to spend some thought towards choosing the right person. “It is more or less an instinctive decision. I talk to the person about his or her background and I can usually gauge from the first meeting whether I would like to keep the person or not.” MARGARET & SUSANNE D'MELLO The mother-daughter duo of Margaret D’Mello and Susanne D’Mello had to get used to the idea of having strangers in the house but it didn’t take long before they became comfortable with the idea. But when it comes to choosing their paying guests, the 90-year-old and her 58-year-old daughter have two prerequisites. One: they should be young. Two: They should be women. Since all their family members have settled abroad, they prefer to have young people because “they make for good company”. Their first paying guests were two Sophia College students who compelled them to keep two more of their friends as paying guests. Since then Susanne started letting out two rooms to four girls. “I allow my paying guests to cook, drink or smoke, bring their friends home, stay out as long as they want,” says Susanne. She even joins them for a party in the house. Her only rule is no boys in the bedroom and low-decibel music after 10pm. “I am in touch with all my former paying guests. With me and my mom alone in the house, it is great to have the energy that these youngsters bring in. I feel younger,” says Susanne. Susanne, though, doesn’t agree that paying guests can ever become a part of the family, she thinks that she does share an important relationship with them. “Sometimes they talk to me about their personal lives, their jobs, and family. They often ask me for advice, and I share things with them too. It’s a pleasant relationship.” By Suparna Thombare © 2005-2007 Diligent Media Corporation Ltd.