USA: Age is Matter of Years, Old is Matter of the Mind

Fifty is the dividing line between fooling yourself that you aren’t middle-aged and having to admit it. ... Older and old are not the same thing, writes Columnist Russel McDermott in TEXARKANA GAZETTE of July 27, 2006 of Texas/Arkansas. Sometimes age has a way of sneaking up on you. I was at a birthday party for a dear friend Tuesday evening. A 50th birthday party, if you must know. There was a large turnout and everyone had a blast. Spirits were high and spirits flowed to keep them that way. It was a room full of people on one side or the other of the half-century mark, most in fairly close proximity. Including me. I just turned 47 this month and 50 suddenly seems a lot more real and a lot closer than it ever did. I don’t know why numbers work the way they do. A few weeks ago I was 46—just one up from 45—and now I see 47 as only three away from 50. Fifty. Probably the most frightening age imaginable, at least until you get there. Fifty is the dividing line between fooling yourself that you aren’t middle-aged and having to admit it. Most of the people I know who are 50 and older are still young at heart and don’t worry much about the advancing calendar. I suspect once you hit 50 you come to terms with it and realize it’s no big deal, just another number. Older and old are not the same thing. And that’s the root of it all, I think. As much as we know that getting older does not mean getting old, it still can be hard to separate the two in our minds. One reason is the emphasis our society places on youth. We are bombarded with images on TV, in films, on the Internet, in newspapers and magazines. Everything fun and glamorous is connected with those who have yet to see 30. And then there is our own experience. For example, when I was in my teens and 20s, I looked at someone of the age I have improbably achieved as old. Not ancient, or even elderly, but old. Someone of that age simply couldn’t have the same feelings I had then, couldn’t have fun like I did, couldn’t understand the challenges I faced. And probably didn’t want to. Someone in their late 40s was a parental figure, the kind of person who made and enforced rules, not broke them. Now, of course, I know that’s all hogwash. I may be nearing five decades on this orb but I still feel exactly the same as I did in the my 20s. Maybe a bit wiser, a bit less inclined to take foolish chances, but jut a bit. Sure, I have aches where once I didn’t, and getting out of bed in the morning is more of a chore—I haven’t yet reached the age where one customarily rises before the sun. And I have more responsibilities than I did, or at least now I have to take them more seriously. But the young man within is still young. He’s just trapped in this aging form. Some bravely fight the appearance of age, often with mixed results. You can keep yourself in good condition, eat right, moderate your vices. Or you can seek the help of science—everything from Botox to liposuction to hair replacements to facelifts are available to help stave off Father Time. I haven’t felt the need of anything so drastic. I surely could use some time in the gym and a healthier approach to eating. And my vices do need moderating. But I’m not all that concerned about the appearance of age. I still have my teeth and hair, and I haven’t even been tempted to do anything about the increasing gray. Not to say looking younger doesn’t have its advantages. The male ego being what it is, even married men who have no intention of pursuing women in their early 20s want to feel as if they at least would have some chance—nothing chills the heart more than the first time some lovely young lady calls you “sir.” Some can pull it off, but the unfortunate truth is that men of a certain age who try to look younger usually just end up looking desperate. Better to be seen as a parental contemporary than a dirty old man. The cosmetic nips, tucks and injections may make us feel a bit better, and may make us appear a touch younger, at least at first glance or from a distance, but they aren’t a real solution. The only thing that will keep us from growing old as we grow older is attitude. The right mindset is the surest fountain of youth around. It not only affects you, but how people see you. We all know people who are young despite the years, just as surely as we know those who have let their minds age with their bodies. So the thing to do is gladly accept the years and reject the assumptions of age. Be as young as you want, no matter how old you are. Aging is a fact of life, and it’s better to do so than not. The alternative to getting older isn’t pleasant. But getting old? That’s a choice. And one I’m not ready to make. I hope I never will be. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2003